The Road Not Chosen

Are We There Yet?

"If winter comes, can spring be far behind?" Percy Bysshe Shelly

It is sometimes difficult to imagine, berated by cold winds and gray, bitter days, that in a short time the earth will be filled once more with warmth and greenery. Many days I longed to be taken out of the deep freeze of the Midwest and deposited on the sunny California seashore where I grew up. Tired of short days, deprived of my needed daily requirement of UV rays, my temper seemed to dip lower with the falling mercury of the thermometer. 

I remember a cold, winter day in (oddly enough) California, three weeks after Evan's January 21 birth. Sitting on my bed, looking out the window at the dormant bushes in our yard, tears slid down my cheeks. I felt beat-to-a-pulp-dead inside. Life seemed like it would be wretched forever.

Quietly God spoke to my heart. "Without winter, there is no spring. Without death, there is no life. Spring will come again and joy will return to your soul." I don't know that I really believed Him in that moment, in all honesty. It seemed easy for Him to say, after all He was in control of everything and I was clearly in control of not one thing it seemed.

Again, God spoke. "What you sow does not come to life unless it dies." (1 Cor. 15:36) At that I began a journey which would help me understand that I had to let my selfish desires die, plant that shriveled seed in the ground, water it with my faith & hope in God, and wait to see His desire for my life sprout up. But first I would have to endure the winter.

Nineteen years later, I can say that spring has come, full of beauty, color and laughter. Also, winter has come, over and over. But I know now, as the poet said, if winter comes, spring is just around the corner.

My lover said to me, "Rise up, my darling!

Come away with me, my fair one!

Look, the winter is past, and the rains are over and gone.

The flowers are springing up,

the season of singing birds has come,

and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air.

Song of Solomon 2:10-12

Joy Unspeakable

In a wonderful passage of the Bible, the Apostle Peter, in talking about the resurrection of Jesus Christ, tells believers:

"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.  You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls." (NLT I Peter 1:3-9)

There are two wonderful life-sustaining statements in here. The first is that there is a promise of wonderful joy in our future if we are Christians. In Peter's mind it is a given that we will have to go through hard times. There is no "get out of trials free" card that will keep us from them. The tough times will come. But wait, Peter says, look in front of you, there's joy coming! Don't forget that. It's coming! Hang in there, let yourself be made strong & pure by hardship, don't cave in. Joy is ahead!

The second statement is just as wonderful and is the cause of much muttering & head-scratching among those who do not believe in Jesus. We Christians have this joy that bubbles deep down in us even in the worst of times because we believe & trust in someone we have never seen with our physical eyes. How crazy is that? I am here to tell you it's the best kind of crazy! It's the thing that gets me out of bed in the morning when depression is trying to pound me back down into the mattress. That "inexpressible joy" is what keeps me putting one foot in front of the other even though every demon in hell is fighting to keep me focused on what I don't have, instead of what I do have.

And what do I have? I have the promise of joy now and joy forever, that's what. It is what caused the Psalmist to say,

Send out your light and your truth; let them guide me. Let them lead me to your holy mountain,
to the place where you live. There I will go to the altar of God, to God—the source of all my joy.

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—
my Savior and my God!

Joy is our promise and our reality, if we will only remember that our hope is not in this world and the things that it tries to offer us. Over 2000 years ago, a baby really was born of a virgin & his birth was announced with glorious shouts of joy in the heavens, because the curse of sin was broken and eternal despair was replaced with eternal joy. Let that be our reality.

No Thanks!

Thanksgiving, it's inescapable this month isn't it? We are encouraged to make lists of what we're thankful for, to appreciate our blessings and one another, to pause and reflect on the good things God has given us. As I was pondering all this the other day, my thoughts were drawn to a time in my life when I was everything but thankful.

Nineteen years ago Harold & I seemed to be standing on the brink of "success" in every area of our lives. Fresh out of bible school, we were on staff at a church we loved, I was pregnant with our first child, we had a great house filled with new furniture and life seemed to be full of promise and blessing. We were living our dream! Yes, I truly was very thankful for all that the Lord had done.

Then bit by bit things started to change. I was laid off from my job. Then Harold was laid off, on my 30th birthday I might add, oh, and I was 8 months pregnant. Next Evan was born. With Down Syndrome. Did I mention Evan had 3 holes in his heart and, oh yes, neither of his parents were employed? Things went bad at the church we were in. Real bad. I was devastated by deep betrayals in relationships that turned bad. Harold couldn't find a job for a long time. I couldn't even think of getting one as Evan was so sick & we were waiting for him to be well enough to have surgery. I had a hard time finding anything to be thankful about.

Through this our bills still got paid. Time & again God provided finances in ways only described by the word "miraculous". Someone even left $500 on our doorstep once. Our Mormon landlord was amazed every month that we were able to pay the rent. I did have glimmers of appreciation for what God did, but I can't honestly say I was full of thanks. My eyes only saw what was wrong.

We moved to St. Louis, landed good jobs, put Evan in a great daycare, and our marriage began to fall apart. Harold attended the church we went to while in bible college, going only because he knew he should, not because he really wanted to. I gave up on church, mad at God, although I refused to admit it. When we look back at those days now, we can't remember any events. No birthdays or trips or much even about day-to-day life. Just a big, grey, nothingness. I stood stamping my spoiled little, spiritual foot, demanding that the Creator of the Universe put things back the way they were "before". Not a drop of thankfulness could be found in me. None.

Still God was faithful. Harold & I both got regular raises & promotions, Evan grew healthy, bills were paid, groceries were bought. And I in my heart I hated my husband and blamed God for what I thought I didn't have. I made lists of the things that were wrong, offenses that had been suffered, without a thought about the state of my heart.

"And the earth was without form and empty. And darkness was on the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved on the waters. And God said, Let there be light. And there was light." (Gen. 1:2-3)

One day I woke up. I realized that I had come to the end of myself and all that was in me had become without form, empty & dark. I was repulsed at who I had let myself become. It was no one's fault but my own. I had let bitterness destroy me. Yet, as He did in the beginning of time, God moved & said "Let there be light". To my utter surprise, light came back into my life. I ran to Jesus & apologized for my arrogance, anger, & pride. I was the prodigal, running back home to my Father's arms. I was overflowing with thanks-giving, daily offering prayers of gratefulness for the restoration that happened in my life. Healing came to me, to my marriage, to my relationships with those around me.

Life has not always been easy since then. I have learned my lesson though. When things aren't going the way I would like & bitterness tries to creep in, I stop and find something, anything, to be grateful for. I focus on my blessings, which are always many even in the worst of times, and say with King David, "I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth...The righteous cry, and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles." (Ps. 34)  And for that I am thankful.

The Sum of All Equations

I always had a tough time with Algebra. In fact, I took it three times: twice in high school and once in college. Grasping the formulas just seemed to elude me. Who came up with X & Y anyway? Why not P & Q? My parents, both of whom are math whizzes, tried to explain it to me. They hired a tutor, to no avail. In college my friend, Wynn, tutored me twice a week and I barely made a C+. I felt sorry for Wynn. He had been dating me in high school during my second shot at Algebra. My assumption is he was tired of hearing me whine about it by the time I got to college and was determined to get me through that class once and for all.

My problem with algebra was that I just didn’t see the purpose for it. Geometry made sense to me. It was concrete; I used it when I made quilts or when I sewed a skirt. But algebra just seemed silly and pointless. It wasn’t until I was 31 years old and working with an early spreadsheet software program called Lotus 1.2.3 that it all finally sunk in. It was a true “aha” moment that day at work, as I learned how the equations fit together to give me a tangible result to calculate my cash flow projections. Algebra finally had a purpose to me so I understood it and used it.

Living a life dedicated to God can seem like Algebra to some people. They don’t see what the purpose of it is for them as an individual. Thinking “What application could a bunch of rules (the Bible) have to my life? I’m a “good person” who does the “right things”, is honest and kind. Why do I need someone to tell me what to do and how to do it? How could it possibly benefit me? I can get along fine without God.” they go on about life.

Then it hits: that thing in life that just can’t be figured out, the troubled marriage that counseling isn’t helping, the sense of depression that medication won’t cure, the unexplainable “something missing” that they just can’t put their finger on. One day something heavenly happens, something that can’t really be explained with words. Oh, it’s God! Believing in Him and living for Him puts the missing pieces into our puzzle of a life. The Bible goes from being a book of restrictions to a book filled with wisdom and a story that we see ourselves as a part of. We now have a sense of eternal purpose and it all fits together to give us a tangible result: peace that passes understanding. The equations finally make sense.

How Big Am I?

Above are two pictures: one that is of the farthest reaches of space that can be seen at this time and the other is my house. How can I reconcile these two views? I live on a planet that is one object of gagillion-trillions that our amazing God created in an expanse so vast that we have no idea where it ends or begins. Thoughts like these sure can make one feel like an insignificant grain of sand, can't they?

Yet here is what God says about each of us: from the Book of Isaiah "Before you were formed in the womb, I knew you." In Psalms 139, King David said, "Nothing about me is hidden from you! I was secretly woven together deep in the earth below, but with your own eyes you saw my body being formed. Even before I was born, you had written in your book everything I would do. Your thoughts are far beyond my understanding, much more than I could ever imagine.
I try to count your thoughts, but they outnumber the grains of sand on the beach. And when I awake, I will find you nearby."

Here is how I reconcile my smallness in the midst of the enormity of creation. There is a God. He created every single bit of matter that there is because, as Revelations 4:11 tells us, "Lord, You are worthy to receive the glory and the honor and the power, because You created all things, and through Your will they exist and were created." God wanted to make the universe. God wanted to make me. And there is more than that to the story. The Creator of All That Exists cares deeply about me, Lori, and has a plan and purpose for my being on this earth.

Jeremiah tells us in chapter 29, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

God wants good things for all of us. One of our purposes in life is to seek Him and find out what He wants us to do. He hears us, He has plans for us, and most of all, He loves us. What does Jehovah God want us to do today? No matter how small we may feel, we are at the center of God's vision. He's listening. Are we?

Check out the Monday Meme at Faith Builders. Their topic this month is "purpose".