The Road Not Chosen

I woke up this morning with this song in my head:

 

How He Loves

by John Mark McMillan

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all
Yeah, He loves us,

Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves us,
Oh! how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And Heaven meets earth like an unforseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

© Integrity's Hosanna! Music  CCLI#5032549

If you aren’t a Christ follower, these lyrics are utter nonsense to you.  Probably the whole “if grace is an ocean…” thing seems silly. The reality, whether you choose to believe it or not, is that God’s grace is…that…big.

For whatever reason, I have trouble absorbing that fact that He does love me that much. It is way too easy to list my faults and shortcomings alphabetically, sorted by category, and numbered for easy reference. I forget that God made us and knows that we are, well, human, with all that entails. THAT is why His grace is unfathomable, and His love as ferociously all encompassing as a hurricane.

I needed to wake up with that song this morning, as yesterday’s post would indicate. It will be OK. He has never failed me and never will.

Technorati Tags: faith,redemption

There Is A Season

My blog friend Barbara Curtis reminded us today that to everything there is a season. (Ecclesiastes 3) In my little corner of the universe this is a lean, very lean season. When Evan was born, neither Harold nor I had a job, having both been laid off. It was 1988 in Los Angeles. Harold couldn’t find a job of any kind. Having been in middle management at Xerox, this was very discouraging for him. I couldn’t go to work because we were waiting for Evan to have open heart surgery to close up the 3 holes in his heart. Every day was full of therapists, cardiologists, etc. Everything eventually worked out ok & we never missed a bill or rent payment through amazing miracles that happened over and over again. But still, the economy was tanking and L.A. was not the place to find employment. So as soon as Evan was well enough, we moved to St. Louis and had no trouble finding jobs.

Fast forward 22 years. Harold has been looking for a job for 6 months. He’s gone on between 20-30 job interviews, been told he’s hired twice only to have something fall apart at the last minute. Fortunately I do have a job that pays decently. It doesn’t cover all our bills but so far we are making all our payments. We’ve tightened our belts. Harold is substituting at Life Church School when needed. There is a small trickle of income from his previous job which also helps. However, it feels a lot like 1988, except Evan is healthy and happy. Thank God!

The Apostle Paul said he had learned how to be content with a little or a lot. There is something to be said for learning that principle. We have made adjustments such as switching to basic cable. (We’d cancel it if we didn’t live in the boondocks which leaves us with no TV if we don’t have cable.) Our cell phone plan has been adjusted, no more smart phone for Harold. Grocery shopping is very basic and I am cooking from scratch more.

With all the things we are doing to conserve the funds we have, with every job Harold does not get, there is tension that always hums just below the surface. We do our best to keep our sense of humor, our friends are encouraging in both practical & spiritual ways, but we long for the day when things will get back to “normal”. In writing that sentence I am acutely aware that even now we are blessed with much more than most people around the world have. (I do try to keep my whining to a minimum.)

On Sunday night I was miserable and depressed. Harold insisted I watch some comedy videos on YouTube by someone whose name I can’t remember. Did I want to watch those videos? Heck no! My wonderful husband put them on anyway & I laughed my head off for a good 15 minutes or so. At the end of our comedy interlude I felt refreshed and I went to bed smiling.

Please pray for us during this season of our lives. Pray that we would learn to be more grateful for what we have, more empathetic towards those who have less, and that laughter will abound in our home. 

A Peek Into My Life

For the last week I have been enduring one of the absolute worst fibromyalgia flare-ups that I have ever had. It actually put me down for 4 days & much of the other days. I am starting to come out of it now (thank you Jesus!) I found these Public Service Announcements about fibro that I thought I would share with you just in case you wanted to know more about what I, and thousands of others, live with every day.