not enough time to write. That's my life the last few weeks. This voice in my brain occasionally yells "Hey! You! Remember that blog thing you do? You should do THAT!" Of course there are many other "voices" demanding attention as well as year-end activities both personal, job and church-wise. Since I'm home with Evan (who has the stomach flu) I thought this would be a good time to do a quick post.
I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia last July, after over a year of increasing pain. The pain started in earnest the second or third week Evan was in the hospital in March, 2007, for his major hip surgery. I chalked the pain up to sleeping in chairs, on hospital floors, not sleeping, stress, not eating, stress, etc. The pain continued to get worse even after Evan was well on his way to recovery. I had friends who have "fibro" that kept trying to get me to go to a doctor. Buy my life motto when it comes to pain has always been "shake it off!" but this I couldn't.
I gave up and went to my internist, Dr. Bob, who ran a battery of tests to eliminate everything else that it could be. That, if you didn't know, is how the disease is diagnosed. Eliminate and then diagnose and next prescribe and see what happens. He put me on some medicine that began to help me feel better, very slowly mind you, but there has been progress. For which I'm grateful. But still...there are bad days, with good days interspersed.
This has been one of the most frustrating seasons of my life. I've always had health "issues". Always. Double pneumonia resulting in lung scaring - age 5, first migraine - age 12, endometriosis - age 16 ending in hysterectomy age 34. (Getting one other bizzaro disease - priceless!) I had learned that if I wanted to have any kind of life pushing through was the way to go. So that's how I roll, as they say.
Here is the thing that angers me about "fibro": if you try to push through your body will SHUT YOU DOWN like Shaq blocking the game winning shot. When I've gone too far my body hurts worse and for a longer time. My brain refuses to let me speak in full sentences, as if I had suffered a stroke. Etc. etc.
So what is the upside to this? Could there possibly be one? Yes, Virginia, there is. At the age of 50 (I refuse to accept 51 until it gets here on Wednesday) I have to tune into my body no matter what else is demanding my attention. You know, all those things we always intend to do regularly but don't; eat well, rest, exercise, don't stress out.
I also am finally really learning to be grateful, let me restate that, ENORMOUSLY GRATEFUL for each day. Grateful for the days without pain, grateful for the days with pain because they remind me of the blessings of days without pain, grateful that it isn't something worse, or life-ending, grateful for the blessings I do have.
So this post is definitely not to garner sympathy for me but to encourage you to to live an ENOURMOUSLY GRATEFUL life every day. No matter what! So celebrate not just the season, but the blessings provided to us which started with the birth of our Savior.
