The Road Not Chosen

What A Mess!

I am the first to admit that I love organization. Seeing things tidy & in their proper place makes me a happy woman. My bent is so much this way that I can get a bit out of sorts when others don't have the same inclination that I do. I was moaning to my friend, Patty, the other day that I wished sometimes that I didn't see the "out of place" things. I always feel compelled to either "tidy it up" myself or to point out to someone else what they should do about it. Neither inclination is always the right thing to do. Sometimes I'm just being a "Martha" instead of a "Mary".

Later on in the week, as I pondered, well, really stewed about, the state of certain things, I realized something: life is messy. Think about it for a moment. How we are born is messy as any mother can tell you. Our babies come out of us all goopy & wet & not looking at all like the pretty newborns on TV. Death can be even messier than birth. Not to be too graphic, but at the moment of death our muscles relax and release, um, certain things from our bodies. Everything in between those events rarely occurs in a tidy, neat way. Born messy, live messy, die messy seems to be the way of things.

I know, God is a god of order. We, however, have been born into a world tainted by sin that is no longer the perfect creation it started out as. Man is not the perfect being God created him to be in the beginning. I think sometimes when I feel the overwhelming longing for order the most is when I am probably the least focused on God. With all my energy going into trying to fix, straighten out, or problem solve, I often fail to stop to see what the Lord wants done with the situation. Sometimes He just wants the mess left alone. Other times it's not mine to do something about.

The past few days I have been trying to slow down and ask the Father what, if anything, He wants done. Focusing more on Him and less on "the mess" helps me be more at peace. (Everyone repeat after me: "Duh!!") I am also continuing on my life-time lesson of realizing that things won't be perfect this side of Heaven and I am no less valuable a person for not trying to make everything so.

I leave you with this thought from Thomas Merton:

"Each one of us has some kind of vocation. We are all called by God to share in His life and in His Kingdom. Each one of us is called to a special place in the Kingdom. If we find that place we will be happy. If we do not find it, we can never be completely happy. For each one of us, there is only one thing necessary: to fulfill our own destiny, according to God's will, to be what God wants us to be."

A Missing Life

I stumbled across a fascinating article about famous playwright Arthur Miller. Entitled "Arthur Miller's Missing Act" it discuss the bizarre & sad fact that he had a son with Down Syndrome, Danny, whom he institutionalized after his birth in 1966. This child, who was hidden away & never even spoken of by his father until the late 1990's, overcame adversity and now lives a normal life. The story is worth the read as a reminder of how things were and how they are now. It is also a reminder that being a famous writer doesn't make you a great person.

There's A Wind A Blowin'

I love thunderstorms, the drama & power of them, the smell of the air as it's about to rain, how the temperature suddenly drops & you know something big is about to happen. Last night a violent thunderstorm hovered over our region for several hours. Wind speeds reached 64 mph. It was great! (No damage was done to any homes by the way.)

I guess I love storms so much because in my homeland of Southern California we never really had thunderstorms like we have here in the Midwest. In fact, we were lucky to get rain at all! When we moved here I developed an intense fascination with these amazing events. I really feel like they are a glimpse into the power of our God. Revelation 4 says "At once I was in the Spirit, and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it...From the throne came flashes of lightning, rumblings and peals of thunder." Wow, talk about awe-inspiring! The return of Jesus is spoken about in the Book of Luke as happening like a "flash of lightning".

One of my favorite lightning passages is found in Psalms 135:5-7:

I know that the Lord is great,
that our Lord is greater than all gods.

The Lord does whatever pleases him,
in the heavens and on the earth,
in the seas and all their depths.

He makes clouds rise from the ends of the earth;
he sends lightning with the rain
and brings out the wind from his storehouses.

That certainly describes the feeling I get as I watch a thunderstorm, a sense of the greatness of our God. It stirs up in me a great sense of anticipation as I wonder what God is going to do next in my life, in my church & on the earth. I am reminded of His omnipotence & my frail humanity. It is a sign to me that there truly is One who is worthy of all praise, all honor & all glory. So let the storms come & the rain fall, for my hope is in Him alone.

 

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The Longer I Live...

the more convinced I am that I haven't a clue. This week has been a rough one. A good friend of ours, whom we've know for almost 20 years, died of an apparent massive coronary on Tuesday. Keith was only 45 & had no history of heart problems so it came as a massive shock to everyone. When I picture Keith it's with a smile on his face, because that was his normal expression. He was one of the most wonderful guys you could ever meet. He would always offer a helping hand to anyone in need. I am so grateful that he knew the Lord and is now seeing God face-to-face.

The funeral is tomorrow morning. Harold has been asked to do part of the service. He is hoping he can make it through reading the obituary ok. Evan is not wanting to go to the funeral, but we are going to take him anyway. Keith & his family have been a big part of Evan's life & we think it will help Evan process Keith's passing by going. He asked me why we have funerals & I told him it was to say good-bye to Keith. Evan's reasonable reply was "I said good-bye to him Sunday after church," which is entirely true. So I had to take another tact & told him that Keith's daughter, who is Evan's age & a long time friend, would be glad to see Ev there. That seemed to help a bit.

So on the heels of that we had to make a trip to St. Louis to see the Infectious Disease doc & the Orthopedic surgeon for check-ups. Evan was convinced that he was going to be put back in the hospital & no amount of assurance would convince him otherwise. He was very much on edge, as really we all were considered how the week got started.

A wonderful friend of ours, who has tons of reward points, got us a great hotel suite. The place had a wonderful pool so Evan got to have some good swim time, which helped take his mind off the doc visits. We had good reports all around & don't have to go back for check-ups until December. Hooray! Evan has a limp but the ortho doc modified the physical therapy and that will hopefully help strengthen the muscles more effectively.

On Monday Evan will start work part-time at the church. He will work 8 - noon and his aide will come to the house from noon - 5. I will actually be able to work a 40 hour work week, which I haven't done in months! Evan is so excited to be working as he is way tired of being home all day! Harold is doing well on his new job. He has great favor with his regional manager, who has given Harold & his partner Jeremy several large accounts which no one has serviced in a long time. Harold actually got his first paycheck this week, which was exciting. He is gone a lot right now at training classes but that will slow down by the end of the month.

All in all, we are gaining more of a sense of normalcy with each passing week. I even think I'm ready to start blogging on a consistent basis. (Wait. Do I keep saying that over & over?) But really, I mean it this time. Really!