The Road Not Chosen

Out With The Old

I don't know if it's because it's 55 degrees out today & it feels like spring (when it should be snowing) or if I am finally coming out of my muscle relaxer/vicodin stupor & my back feels better but I just had to clean out & organize the contents of the large lazy susan in my kitchen. I'm sure you have something similar, the place where all the un-fridged food stuff goes. Unable to remember the last time I had done more than toss something in there, I thought it best to take stock.

Here is what I found:

7 lbs. of assorted types & flavors of coffee (don't be shocked, we'll go through that in 4-6 weeks!)

5 boxes of different tea's

2 kinds of E.V.O.O. (for those of you who don't watch Rachel Ray, that means "extra virgin olive oil".)

4 boxes of hot chocolate (which we don't drink very much)

2 cans of baking powder

1 large box of corn starch (which I don't understand because I never, ever use it!)

2 cans of Spaghetti-o's (another mystery, because we don't eat that either)

2 sticky bottles of flavored syrup (which I really could have used over the holidays but didn't know I had)

8 cans of green beans (Harold & Evan love green beans but, really, that's about 4 cans too many!)

2 half bags of mini-marshmallows (another item I rarely use)

3 boxes of assorted pasta

Miscellaneous odds & ends

I scrubbed the lazy susan, tossed the old stuff, & packed up the Spaghetti-o's, some coffee, tea, pasta, half the green beans, & the hot chocolate to take to church tomorrow for the food pantry. Now I think I'll sit on the sofa & make a list of what else I need to clear out. Hmmm, wonder how much I could get for some of my books on E-bay?

Happy New Year everyone!

Ouchy Christmas

You know, things don't always go the way you plan. I, of all people, should know this by now. As I was getting out of the shower Saturday morning my back went out, out as in I-spent-the-rest-of-the-day-flat-in-bed out. Our doctor friend, Jerry, came & worked on my back that evening, but it was apparent that our plans to go to St. Louis Sunday & Monday to see Harold's family were going to be canceled. I was so mad! I mean, I had all sorts of plans for Saturday, was going to make Christmas dinner for Harold's mom on Monday in St. Louis, auuuggggh! Instead, I have spent the last 3 days on muscle relaxers & Vicodin. As much fun as that was (ummm, actually I slept a lot) I would have rather been up and enjoying the holidays. Our good friends, the Hanley's, brought us Christmas dinner as they had been planning to have lots of people over, but then some of their family got sick and they had way too much food. So we were blessed and got to share in their abundance!

Poor Harold. He has had to take care of Evan and me! He laughed yesterday, saying that since he had been planning since last week to preach on servanthood this next Sunday, he supposed God was making sure he was walking the walk, not just talking the talk. (Harold is an awesome servant, so I don't really think God had to test him on that one!)

I was able to get out for a bit today. We were all getting house-crazy so it was good to be out in the sunshine. We are trying to wean Evan off the walker, but it looks like he is going to need some physical therapy to help him walk correctly. His gait is a bit crooked but I am sure a few sessions of P.T. will help him regain strength in those muscles. (He's hoping for aqua therapy, which is where he gets to work out in a nice, warm swimming pool!)

All in all, I am thankful for the abundance of blessings the Lord has poured out on us this year: wonderful friends, an amazing church family that loves God, us, and each other, the fact that my dad is alive and getting healthier each day, my wonderful husband & son... I could go on and on. Thanks to all of you who read my ramblings. I really appreciate your input and your support. Have a wonderful New Year!

I'm Feeling English-y

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Her Exalted Highness Duchess Lori the Verdant of Biggleswade by Biscuit Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

Taking The Mountain

We were watching “Everest: Beyond the Limit” on the Discovery Channel last night. It has been interesting to watch as a group of men try to scale this behemoth. Last night the climbers came upon a man who was dying. It reminded me of the story of the Good Samaritan in the Bible, except that there was actually no physical way the climbers could get the dying man off the mountain. It was so sad to watch, as they had to just leave him there to die, yet every climber knows they must count the cost before tackling Everest. Sometimes the cost is death.

I started thinking about how this is an interesting picture of the Christian life. Do we really count the cost before we start out in our lives as Christians or do we just blindly head up the mountain, thinking everything will be easy? I know the answer is different for each individual. When I started thinking about giving my life to God, I knew good and well that it would have to mean a huge change of lifestyle, perhaps even losing some friendships. As a kid I had seen too many people that were hypocrites and I knew I didn’t want to be one of them. So I counted the cost of what serving God would mean to me in my daily life: no more drugs, drinking, lying, selfishness, etc.

Interestingly enough, as I have gone up the mountain of my life, I have found that sometimes I haven’t prepared myself as thoroughly as I need to. There have been times when a fellow climber has tried to give me a vital piece of equipment, yet I just tossed it to the side of the trail only to wish later I had put it in my backpack. On other occasions someone has tried to warn me that I was about to fall off a precipice. Did I listen? Nope, and someone had to throw me a rope and drag me out of a bad situation.

Taking on the mountain, be it Everest or life, brings out the best and worst in us. It is a challenge that we can never fully be prepared for, yet if we listen to those who have gone before us the journey will be easier. So today I am pausing to examine my heart to make sure I am as prepared (& humble) as I can be as the climb continues.

Intoducing

For my (mostly younger) friends who frequent MySpace & Xanga, I'd like to let you know there is a new, much cleaner, Christian alternative:

I've been very impressed by what I've seen there. I also like the fact that I can find Christian musicians & writers all in one place without the nasty side ads that are on other social web sites. So if you're into social networking, check 'em out!

My Reading Stack

I always have a stack of books on the table next to my recliner. Here's what I'm reading through right now:

Denise Levertov - The Stream & the Sapphire

Jean Vanier - Becoming Human

Os Guinness - The Call

Beowulf

Philip Ryken - He Speaks To Me Everywhere

Most of my life, I have had a habit of reading several books at a time. Some people find this a confusing way to read, wondering how you can keep straight what is going on in which book. I prefer think of it as "buffet reading".

I recently finished The Memory Keeper's Daughter which I highly recommend. The style of writing reminded of Sue Monk Kidd (The Mermaid's Chair). It was very touching and thought provoking.

I also just finished the bleak book by Cormac McCarthy The Road, which takes place after a nuclear holocaust has devastated the planet. The story revolves around a father & his young son. In a world filled with no rules, death and hopelessness, the father tries to instill in his child the fact that they must carry "the fire", meaning all that is moral and pure, and not let it go out. It was an emotionally hard book to read, but worth the investment. I will say though that you will either love it or hate it.

If you still have some Christmas presents to buy, I recommend any of these books or at least a gift card to your local bookstore! 

Staples

Whew! What an ordeal. Evan got his 28 staples removed from his 7 inch surgical incision on Monday. I'd love to say it was a breeze but... I will say that I have an amazing husband who undertook this ordeal without me, wishing to spare me. Harold and our good friend, Roger, helped Evan through this difficult time. We had hoped that the numbing cream & Valium would make things easier for Evan, but that didn't happen.

Here is the difficult thing about writing about your special needs child. How honest should one be? Last year when my mother & I were discussing my writing, she exhorted me to "always tell the real truth". One of the reasons I started this blog nearly 4 years ago, was to give people a real glimpse of what it is like to raise a special needs child, highs and lows included. It really isn't right to paint a sunny picture when dark clouds are the reality.

So here is the reality of the first paragraph...it took 4 people to hold down my terrified, crying son in order to get the staples out. It tore Harold & Roger up, and moved the nurses & office staff near to tears. There was an option to put Evan under general anesthesia, but people with Down Syndrome are high risk when it comes to anesthesia. So the safest option health-wise was to hold him down. Before people start inundating me with "but shouldn't they have sedated him?" let me say that past experience has taught us that Evan's adrenaline can override the stiffest dose of tranquilizers and leave him unsettled for days. Oddly enough, as soon as it was all over Evan was happy as a clam and wanting to go out to eat. So they did. He has been happy since then, with no lingering fears over the incident. Harold & Roger will probably need therapy though!

The last 16 days since Evan's surgery have been long ones. There has been little sleep, sore backs from having to lift Evan the first week or so, as he could not stand or walk on his own, and the looming specter of me at 80 and Evan at 50. Some of our friends have understood the trial we have been going through these past days & others fail to grasp the physical & emotional difficulty of caring for a 150 lb. mentally retarded teenager who is in pain and can't walk. What would we do without God's help? What would we have done without the meals provided by our friends? What would Evan have done without his friends from school coming by to visit & sending cards? I shudder to think. At least Evan is now able to get around with a walker in a limited way & has been to school for a couple of hours yesterday & today. The end of this road is finally in sight.

On the subject of long term care for special needs kids, Barbara Curtis at Mommy Life has had a couple of really good posts on this subject here and here in the last day or two. As the cliche goes, I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. And I'm glad He does!

Joy Unspeakable

In a wonderful passage of the Bible, the Apostle Peter, in talking about the resurrection of Jesus Christ, tells believers:

"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold—though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.  You love him even though you have never seen him. Though you do not see him now, you trust him; and you rejoice with a glorious, inexpressible joy. The reward for trusting him will be the salvation of your souls." (NLT I Peter 1:3-9)

There are two wonderful life-sustaining statements in here. The first is that there is a promise of wonderful joy in our future if we are Christians. In Peter's mind it is a given that we will have to go through hard times. There is no "get out of trials free" card that will keep us from them. The tough times will come. But wait, Peter says, look in front of you, there's joy coming! Don't forget that. It's coming! Hang in there, let yourself be made strong & pure by hardship, don't cave in. Joy is ahead!

The second statement is just as wonderful and is the cause of much muttering & head-scratching among those who do not believe in Jesus. We Christians have this joy that bubbles deep down in us even in the worst of times because we believe & trust in someone we have never seen with our physical eyes. How crazy is that? I am here to tell you it's the best kind of crazy! It's the thing that gets me out of bed in the morning when depression is trying to pound me back down into the mattress. That "inexpressible joy" is what keeps me putting one foot in front of the other even though every demon in hell is fighting to keep me focused on what I don't have, instead of what I do have.

And what do I have? I have the promise of joy now and joy forever, that's what. It is what caused the Psalmist to say,

Send out your light and your truth; let them guide me. Let them lead me to your holy mountain,
to the place where you live. There I will go to the altar of God, to God—the source of all my joy.

Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—
my Savior and my God!

Joy is our promise and our reality, if we will only remember that our hope is not in this world and the things that it tries to offer us. Over 2000 years ago, a baby really was born of a virgin & his birth was announced with glorious shouts of joy in the heavens, because the curse of sin was broken and eternal despair was replaced with eternal joy. Let that be our reality.

First Snow

This is the view from my kitchen this morning. Hope yours is beautiful as well!