The Road Not Chosen

Hard Choices

I've found it interesting this week as I've followed the controversy over Michael J. Fox's political ad in support of embryonic stem cell research. If you haven't heard, in the ad the ravages of Parkinson's Disease are quite evident as Mr. Fox's body spasms and twitches. My heart really does go out to him. I know his life has been made much more difficult because of that disease. I'm all for the public being made more aware of exactly how diseases truly affect the body. I am of the opinion that for too long our society has looked the other way when it comes to the true nature of physical and mental challenges. It's as if some people think that if they don't look the beast in the eye, it will simply vanish.

So on one hand I say hooray to Mr. Fox for showing us what Parkinson's looks like. On the other hand, I must say I disagree with embryonic stem cell research. Here's why: because an embryo is a human life. Life begins at conception. It is not right for an innocent, unborn human life to end in order to save another life. The embryo has no choice in whether it wants to sacrifice its life for another's. So it is wrong to end its life.

I have thought long and hard about embryonic stem cell research because it has the potential to directly impact Evan's life and perhaps mine or someone else I love. But mostly because of what could be for Evan. There has been talk and a bit of research into the possibility that such a therapy that could "turn off" the effects of the extra chromosome that people who have Down's carry. So I face the question that many people have asked me over the last 18 years:if I could choose for Evan not to have Down's would I? Well, if God wants to miraculously heal him, absolutely! If there is a way to help Evan that does not involve compromising or ending another human life, born or unborn, I'm all for that. But I will not, ever, sacrifice an unborn human life in order to make my son's life "better" or "easier". Don't get me wrong, I am all for research that doesn't involve human embryos and pray that God will grant the scientists wisdom in finding cures for as many diseases as possible!

Parents of special needs kids face hard choices all the time. How much physical or speech therapy do we pursue and for how long? How hard do we push our kids to learn to read, to do math, to learn to be self-sufficient? What is the distinction between what we want for their lives and what they want for their own lives and whose decisions win in that battle? And one of my most awful questions as of late, if my child gets leukemia how much torture do I put him through to save his life, considering that he may not understand why all those painful things are being done to him?

The bottom line is this: God gives each of us life and we must live it in a way that both honors Him and helps all those around us. He tells us that no greater love does a person have than to lay down their own life for another. To me that also means that we must be willing to sacrifice the quality of our life to protect someone else if need be. Looking at life from an eternal viewpoint, to suffer for 50 years on this earth but to be able to stand before the Creator of All and know that I did not take another life in order to heal my own physical problems would make it worth the pain. If we have an assurance of eternal life, this "present suffering" as the Apostle Paul called it, will be worth it because we will live for eternity in the presence of God free from all pain and sorrow. To paraphrase a line from the movie "Gladiator" the choices we make today will echo through all eternity. May they be choices of mercy.

The Sum of All Equations

I always had a tough time with Algebra. In fact, I took it three times: twice in high school and once in college. Grasping the formulas just seemed to elude me. Who came up with X & Y anyway? Why not P & Q? My parents, both of whom are math whizzes, tried to explain it to me. They hired a tutor, to no avail. In college my friend, Wynn, tutored me twice a week and I barely made a C+. I felt sorry for Wynn. He had been dating me in high school during my second shot at Algebra. My assumption is he was tired of hearing me whine about it by the time I got to college and was determined to get me through that class once and for all.

My problem with algebra was that I just didn’t see the purpose for it. Geometry made sense to me. It was concrete; I used it when I made quilts or when I sewed a skirt. But algebra just seemed silly and pointless. It wasn’t until I was 31 years old and working with an early spreadsheet software program called Lotus 1.2.3 that it all finally sunk in. It was a true “aha” moment that day at work, as I learned how the equations fit together to give me a tangible result to calculate my cash flow projections. Algebra finally had a purpose to me so I understood it and used it.

Living a life dedicated to God can seem like Algebra to some people. They don’t see what the purpose of it is for them as an individual. Thinking “What application could a bunch of rules (the Bible) have to my life? I’m a “good person” who does the “right things”, is honest and kind. Why do I need someone to tell me what to do and how to do it? How could it possibly benefit me? I can get along fine without God.” they go on about life.

Then it hits: that thing in life that just can’t be figured out, the troubled marriage that counseling isn’t helping, the sense of depression that medication won’t cure, the unexplainable “something missing” that they just can’t put their finger on. One day something heavenly happens, something that can’t really be explained with words. Oh, it’s God! Believing in Him and living for Him puts the missing pieces into our puzzle of a life. The Bible goes from being a book of restrictions to a book filled with wisdom and a story that we see ourselves as a part of. We now have a sense of eternal purpose and it all fits together to give us a tangible result: peace that passes understanding. The equations finally make sense.

Semper Fi

I normally don't blog about the war in Iraq, but Will at Clicked had a link to one of the most amusing, interesting & heart wrenching articles about the war I have read in a long time. Take a few moments to read The Secret Letter from Iraq and then take a few moments more to say a prayer for all our service-people over there who risk their lives every day. It is well worth the read, no matter what your political persuasion.

While on the subject of Iraq, I'd just like to mention that my cousin-in-law, Tom, just got home from his 3rd tour of duty over there. He did one tour in Viet Nam, came home & joined the Marine Corp reserves. At the age of 50-something he was called back into active duty. Tom has now retired from the Corps. As a family we are most grateful to God for keeping him safe. We know many families were not this blessed and our hearts and prayers go out to them.

How Big Am I?

Above are two pictures: one that is of the farthest reaches of space that can be seen at this time and the other is my house. How can I reconcile these two views? I live on a planet that is one object of gagillion-trillions that our amazing God created in an expanse so vast that we have no idea where it ends or begins. Thoughts like these sure can make one feel like an insignificant grain of sand, can't they?

Yet here is what God says about each of us: from the Book of Isaiah "Before you were formed in the womb, I knew you." In Psalms 139, King David said, "Nothing about me is hidden from you! I was secretly woven together deep in the earth below, but with your own eyes you saw my body being formed. Even before I was born, you had written in your book everything I would do. Your thoughts are far beyond my understanding, much more than I could ever imagine.
I try to count your thoughts, but they outnumber the grains of sand on the beach. And when I awake, I will find you nearby."

Here is how I reconcile my smallness in the midst of the enormity of creation. There is a God. He created every single bit of matter that there is because, as Revelations 4:11 tells us, "Lord, You are worthy to receive the glory and the honor and the power, because You created all things, and through Your will they exist and were created." God wanted to make the universe. God wanted to make me. And there is more than that to the story. The Creator of All That Exists cares deeply about me, Lori, and has a plan and purpose for my being on this earth.

Jeremiah tells us in chapter 29, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

God wants good things for all of us. One of our purposes in life is to seek Him and find out what He wants us to do. He hears us, He has plans for us, and most of all, He loves us. What does Jehovah God want us to do today? No matter how small we may feel, we are at the center of God's vision. He's listening. Are we?

Check out the Monday Meme at Faith Builders. Their topic this month is "purpose".

Picture Perfect

We went to the lake today to have Evan's senior pictures taken. Our talented anesthesiologist/musician/photographer friend, Dan, did the honors. It was an amazing day, near 80 degrees, sun glinting off the water, soft breeze! Evan took the whole process very seriously, following Dan's directions, and doing his best to look every inch the senior. Dan also took some family shots of all of us, which we haven't had done in forever.

I shot some pics with my brand new digital camera. The pictures don't do justice to the beauty of the surroundings, believe me. (Click on them to see full size)

We should get the finished product back in a month or so. I plan to take some more pictures when we go to California. There is an amazing park near my parent's house that has a huge waterfall and lots of beautiful plants. I'm sure they won't turn out as good as Dan's but I'm going to try!

A Choice Or A Judgement?

On MSNBC today, I was deeply saddened to read the following:

"At a pivotal time in the abortion debate, Ms. magazine is releasing its fall issue next week with a cover story titled “We Had Abortions,” accompanied by the names of thousands of women nationwide who signed a petition making that declaration...Ms. executive editor Katherine Spillar said more than 5,000 women have signed the petition so far — heeding its appeal to declare they are unashamed of the choice they made."

The article includes the following story:

'Hardest decision I've ever made'
Another signatory, Debbie Findling of San Francisco, described her difficult decision last year to have an abortion after tests showed that she would bear a son with Down syndrome.

“I felt it was my right to make the decision, but having that right doesn’t make the decision any easier,” she said. “It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made.”

Findling, 42, is married, with a 5-year-old daughter, and has been trying to get pregnant again while pursuing her career as a philanthropic foundation executive.

She says too many of her allies in the abortion-rights movement tend to minimize, at least publicly, the psychological impact of abortion.

“It’s emotionally devastating,” she said in a phone interview. “I don’t regret my decision — but I regret having been put in the position to have to make that choice. It’s something I’ll live with for the rest of my life.”

 On reading Ms. Findling's words, I immediately had 2 emotions. The first was sadness. While having a child with a disability is definitely a challenge, often stressful and fraught with anxiety, it is also a chance to learn what we (and God) are really made of. Parenting a child will bring out the best and worst in everyone and it is no different with a child who has Down's. An opportunity was missed by Ms. Findling to learn more about love, devotion, perseverance and amazing joy than words can describe.

I wondered what this woman was told that brought her to this decision. Was she painted a dismal picture of a child who would barely function? Were outdated statistics of shortened life span, inability to socialize, and other outdate beliefs told to her? Or was she told perhaps the truth, that the majority of children with Down's grow to lead lives of joy and fulfillment? Did her doctor tell her that there was a good possibility that her child could attend school and one day hold a job? Was she told anything positive at all? I would love to know what she was told, how she processed the information and how she made her choice.

My second emotion was a perplexed anger. There are, of course, the obvious reasons that you would think I would feel angry: abortion is killing a human being and that is wrong, every life is precious and deserves a chance, etc. But here is why I was perplexed. Ms Findling says “I don’t regret my decision — but I regret having been put in the position to have to make that choice. It’s something I’ll live with for the rest of my life.” Who exactly does she think put her in that position? Did the doctor do it by giving her the results of a medical test? Perhaps she feels God put her in that predicament by causing her to have a baby with a disability. Maybe she's angry at her body or the father's sperm for not functioning properly when it came to cell division causing her baby to get stuck with an extra chromosome.

Unfortunately, this scene is played out God knows how many times a day all over the world. I often wonder why the same people who will vilify Hitler for choosing to exterminate the Jews on the basis of their genetic origins think it's justifiable to abort a baby who is not genetically perfect? Is it not the same exact decision at it's base? It wasn't the Jews fault they were born Jewish (which in Hitler's estimation made them inferior). Nor is it an unborn baby's fault that it has a birth defect. The child that comes into this world with a physical and mental challenge has as much right to live as any normally abled person.

It is said that one can tell a lot about a society's values by how they treat their elderly, poor and infirm. As a former feminist and NOW member, I pray that they will somehow come to value every single life, born and unborn, that is conceived. True liberation cannot be won through the senseless murder of innocents yet to be born. Liberty comes when the lives of the most vulnerable are protected and sacred.

"A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.."
~ Ogden Nash ~

There is a curved glass frame that has sat on the night table next to our bed for the last 24 years. What could be so precious that it’s been in the same place that long? Pictures from our wedding day. I love those three pictures, taken in soft focus, of me gazing up at my husband, our faces getting closer in each picture, and kissing in the last one. We look stunningly, deliriously happy, our future spread out before us like a wonderful banquet just waiting to be enjoyed.

If you have been married more than say, oh, five years, you know that there are days when the food at that banquet seems to have gotten moldy or a little stale at best. There are days when I look at those wedding pictures and think, “Who are those young people? “and “Was my jaw line ever really that tight and was Harold’s hair really that jet black?” Time goes by and eats away at our bodies. (Well, unless you have a lot of money and a great plastic surgeon!) If we aren’t diligent it can eat away at our relationship also, making us feel bored and listless with the one we once were so crazy about.

I have found that the best way to keep our marriage fresh is laughter. Harold and I can crack each other up with just a word. Believe me, the longer we are married, the funnier things become around here. Example: I ask my husband for the fifth time what it was that happened to so-and-so. He looks at me with a raised eyebrow and replies, “Ummm, I think I’ve told you that several times already.” Just then it pops back into my head. “Oh. A-ha! I remember now!” Or Harold misplaces his keys for the qazillionth time. We embark on a frantic, Keystone cops, chase around the house looking for them, finding them on a shelf in the bathroom. When you both get older and your mind isn’t quite the amazing keeper of information it used to be, you have to either laugh or go get an attorney and call it quits. Believe me; humor is much cheaper and much healthier than the alternative.

After this long, we have seen each other at our best and our worst. Experience has taught us each other’s strengths and weaknesses and we do our best to be respectful of those. When I am angry, Harold knows how long it takes for it to pass. When he is cranky, I can fairly quickly figure out a way to help him feel better. My husband and I are each other’s biggest cheerleaders and woe be to the person who comes against one of us! Over time God has knit us together in a way that is amazing and wonderful to behold.

Let me make one thing clear about that last sentence. We didn’t just wake up one day and say, “Oh, look, we are so strong and bonded together! How cool is that?!” No, it has taken years of labor, tears, talks, kisses, prayer, and perseverance. We have had to work with the Lord to make this marriage last. There was a time during our 7^th year when I considered calling it quits. I am so grateful that I hung on! To think of all the things I would have missed out on makes me want to weep. God has always been our rock and consolation during the tough times. (To all you young’uns: tough times will come. Be prepared and make sure your marriage is built on the rock of Christ, not the changing sands of emotion and physical attraction.)

That quote at the top? Here’s how it works in our house. On Saturday night Harold gets his clothes together for Sunday morning. There are two questions he asks me almost every time: “Do these shoes go with these pants?” and “Does this shirt go with these pants?” After years of wondering why he always asks me this (it’s not like his wardrobe is so massive he forgets what goes with what) it dawned on me that my husband just wants to know two things. The first is that I will gladly help him with even the most mundane of decisions and the other is that I find him handsome, gray hair and all. And I still need to know that he finds me as lovely as the day we married. Even if I do go from honey blonde to medium auburn hair like I did last week on a whim. (Does he like it? The jury’s still out on that one!) Marriage: be honest, serve one another, and love each other and God. Till death do you part.

Check out "In Other Words" at Christian Women Online for more articles!