"A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.."
~ Ogden Nash ~

There is a curved glass frame that has sat on the night table next to our bed for the last 24 years. What could be so precious that it’s been in the same place that long? Pictures from our wedding day. I love those three pictures, taken in soft focus, of me gazing up at my husband, our faces getting closer in each picture, and kissing in the last one. We look stunningly, deliriously happy, our future spread out before us like a wonderful banquet just waiting to be enjoyed.

If you have been married more than say, oh, five years, you know that there are days when the food at that banquet seems to have gotten moldy or a little stale at best. There are days when I look at those wedding pictures and think, “Who are those young people? “and “Was my jaw line ever really that tight and was Harold’s hair really that jet black?” Time goes by and eats away at our bodies. (Well, unless you have a lot of money and a great plastic surgeon!) If we aren’t diligent it can eat away at our relationship also, making us feel bored and listless with the one we once were so crazy about.

I have found that the best way to keep our marriage fresh is laughter. Harold and I can crack each other up with just a word. Believe me, the longer we are married, the funnier things become around here. Example: I ask my husband for the fifth time what it was that happened to so-and-so. He looks at me with a raised eyebrow and replies, “Ummm, I think I’ve told you that several times already.” Just then it pops back into my head. “Oh. A-ha! I remember now!” Or Harold misplaces his keys for the qazillionth time. We embark on a frantic, Keystone cops, chase around the house looking for them, finding them on a shelf in the bathroom. When you both get older and your mind isn’t quite the amazing keeper of information it used to be, you have to either laugh or go get an attorney and call it quits. Believe me; humor is much cheaper and much healthier than the alternative.

After this long, we have seen each other at our best and our worst. Experience has taught us each other’s strengths and weaknesses and we do our best to be respectful of those. When I am angry, Harold knows how long it takes for it to pass. When he is cranky, I can fairly quickly figure out a way to help him feel better. My husband and I are each other’s biggest cheerleaders and woe be to the person who comes against one of us! Over time God has knit us together in a way that is amazing and wonderful to behold.

Let me make one thing clear about that last sentence. We didn’t just wake up one day and say, “Oh, look, we are so strong and bonded together! How cool is that?!” No, it has taken years of labor, tears, talks, kisses, prayer, and perseverance. We have had to work with the Lord to make this marriage last. There was a time during our 7^th year when I considered calling it quits. I am so grateful that I hung on! To think of all the things I would have missed out on makes me want to weep. God has always been our rock and consolation during the tough times. (To all you young’uns: tough times will come. Be prepared and make sure your marriage is built on the rock of Christ, not the changing sands of emotion and physical attraction.)

That quote at the top? Here’s how it works in our house. On Saturday night Harold gets his clothes together for Sunday morning. There are two questions he asks me almost every time: “Do these shoes go with these pants?” and “Does this shirt go with these pants?” After years of wondering why he always asks me this (it’s not like his wardrobe is so massive he forgets what goes with what) it dawned on me that my husband just wants to know two things. The first is that I will gladly help him with even the most mundane of decisions and the other is that I find him handsome, gray hair and all. And I still need to know that he finds me as lovely as the day we married. Even if I do go from honey blonde to medium auburn hair like I did last week on a whim. (Does he like it? The jury’s still out on that one!) Marriage: be honest, serve one another, and love each other and God. Till death do you part.

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Comments

[Sissy B.]

I thought I was the only one who went to sleep with those thoughts :)....I also keep our favorite wedding photos on each of our nightstands since we got married all those many years ago...you're right, it doesn't happen overnight but with alot of love and hard work and lots of laughter it works itself out.

[Eleanor]

Ahh. I like real posts about husbands. Very good -- I enjoyed this.

[Julana]

Thank you for sharing that.

[Deanna]

I'm just catching up on some of your posts I've missed recently.
You are absolutely right - marriage is like anything else in life - it doesn't happen by accident you make deliberate choices each day to be committed and continue to work at it or not. Depending on the choice there is growth or deterioration and death.