A Choice Or A Judgement?

On MSNBC today, I was deeply saddened to read the following:

"At a pivotal time in the abortion debate, Ms. magazine is releasing its fall issue next week with a cover story titled “We Had Abortions,” accompanied by the names of thousands of women nationwide who signed a petition making that declaration...Ms. executive editor Katherine Spillar said more than 5,000 women have signed the petition so far — heeding its appeal to declare they are unashamed of the choice they made."

The article includes the following story:

'Hardest decision I've ever made'
Another signatory, Debbie Findling of San Francisco, described her difficult decision last year to have an abortion after tests showed that she would bear a son with Down syndrome.

“I felt it was my right to make the decision, but having that right doesn’t make the decision any easier,” she said. “It was the hardest decision I’ve ever made.”

Findling, 42, is married, with a 5-year-old daughter, and has been trying to get pregnant again while pursuing her career as a philanthropic foundation executive.

She says too many of her allies in the abortion-rights movement tend to minimize, at least publicly, the psychological impact of abortion.

“It’s emotionally devastating,” she said in a phone interview. “I don’t regret my decision — but I regret having been put in the position to have to make that choice. It’s something I’ll live with for the rest of my life.”

 On reading Ms. Findling's words, I immediately had 2 emotions. The first was sadness. While having a child with a disability is definitely a challenge, often stressful and fraught with anxiety, it is also a chance to learn what we (and God) are really made of. Parenting a child will bring out the best and worst in everyone and it is no different with a child who has Down's. An opportunity was missed by Ms. Findling to learn more about love, devotion, perseverance and amazing joy than words can describe.

I wondered what this woman was told that brought her to this decision. Was she painted a dismal picture of a child who would barely function? Were outdated statistics of shortened life span, inability to socialize, and other outdate beliefs told to her? Or was she told perhaps the truth, that the majority of children with Down's grow to lead lives of joy and fulfillment? Did her doctor tell her that there was a good possibility that her child could attend school and one day hold a job? Was she told anything positive at all? I would love to know what she was told, how she processed the information and how she made her choice.

My second emotion was a perplexed anger. There are, of course, the obvious reasons that you would think I would feel angry: abortion is killing a human being and that is wrong, every life is precious and deserves a chance, etc. But here is why I was perplexed. Ms Findling says “I don’t regret my decision — but I regret having been put in the position to have to make that choice. It’s something I’ll live with for the rest of my life.” Who exactly does she think put her in that position? Did the doctor do it by giving her the results of a medical test? Perhaps she feels God put her in that predicament by causing her to have a baby with a disability. Maybe she's angry at her body or the father's sperm for not functioning properly when it came to cell division causing her baby to get stuck with an extra chromosome.

Unfortunately, this scene is played out God knows how many times a day all over the world. I often wonder why the same people who will vilify Hitler for choosing to exterminate the Jews on the basis of their genetic origins think it's justifiable to abort a baby who is not genetically perfect? Is it not the same exact decision at it's base? It wasn't the Jews fault they were born Jewish (which in Hitler's estimation made them inferior). Nor is it an unborn baby's fault that it has a birth defect. The child that comes into this world with a physical and mental challenge has as much right to live as any normally abled person.

It is said that one can tell a lot about a society's values by how they treat their elderly, poor and infirm. As a former feminist and NOW member, I pray that they will somehow come to value every single life, born and unborn, that is conceived. True liberation cannot be won through the senseless murder of innocents yet to be born. Liberty comes when the lives of the most vulnerable are protected and sacred.

Comments

[Eleanor]

Wow. That's literally incredible. I too, was struck by the phrase saying she "regrets being put in the position to make that choice." I also was incredulous that SHE WANTED TO GET PREGNANT, but then had an abortion because she was told the baby would have Down's. That doesn't sound like unconditional love to me.
It makes me mad, but can you imagine how God's heart hurts for that woman? There's a lot of praying to be done.

[Julana]

Very sad.

[Deanna]

"Ms Findling says “I don’t regret my decision — but I regret having been put in the position to have to make that choice. It’s something I’ll live with for the rest of my life"

She probably does blame God. I did for a long time after I chose abortion. I'm sure she probably does not have a very clear understanding of who God is or what He desires for her life. I pray that she'll come to a place of deeper understanding and healing.

I too read that article and was even crazy enough to read some of the comments on the message board linked there...sigh. I posted my thoughts on that if you are interested in reading it http://jipmeister.wordpress.com/2006/10/07/its-all-good-cause-i-love-god-and-he-loves-me-sigh/

I came across this article on someone's blog that mentions that same article but also has a link if you'd like to participate in a petition stating that you are opposed to abortion. You can read the article and find the link here http://moderncommentaries.blogspot.com/2006/10/battling-ms-magazine.html

btw I enjoyed reading your blog - I found you through faith lifts!

[Debbie]

First let me introduce myself. I came across your blog earlier today and just wanted to say hello. My name is Deb and I am a single mom of a 4 year old with DS. He is the youngest of three. My other two are grown.

My CJ is the apple of my eye. There is not one day that goes by that I don't thank god for bringing him into my life.Sure we have our challanges and obstacles to over come, many times alone just the two of us.

When I was pregnant with him I was asked if I wanted to terminate my pregnancy. The first words out of my mouth was absolutely not. The DR and Genetic counselors painted such a horrible picture. They told me he would have heart problems, and other health problems that would make it impossible for him to lead a normal life. The burden that it would put on my and my other kids would be extensive. They went on to explain how mentally challanged he would be and how difficult it would be for him to blend in with society. They told me I really needed to consider terminateing my pregnancy.

Now you can imagine by this point I was in tears and scared out of my mind. However, God blesses us with these babies for a reason and all I could think about was loving him the best I could. Today he is a high functioning little boy with a lot of energy. Very minimal health problems. His biggest obtacle right now is speech he does not talk.

I can understand how this woman came to her decision. I don't agree with it, but I understand it. I have not heard her whole story but plan on it after posting this comment.

I have saved your blog and will continue to read. You have a wonderful way of writing and I am enjoying every word.