The Road Not Chosen

Nudges Towards Forgiveness

Vicki at  Windows To My Soul posted an excerpt from Hugs to Encourage & Inspire that really helped me:

"Someone near you needs forgiveness today. You hold the power to free them. If the offense was committed against you, remember your own undeserved forgiveness; draw from that abundant supply and share what has been given you--it is not yours to hoard. If the offense is against someone else, speak a word of testimony about God's loving forgiveness and encourage actions that lead to healing."

There are so many times in my life when God has used little nudges from different sources to move me towards forgiveness. One of the more unusual nudges came from none other than Don Henley, of The Eagles. Yes, the "Hotel California" Eagles, whom I spent a lot of time chasing around L.A. in the 70's. Mr. Henley put out a solo album in 1989. That period of time was a pretty difficult one for Harold & I. Evan was 1 year old. We had been through a rough church situation in California, where we both were on staff & then suddenly not on staff. We moved to St. Louis to be part of the church where we had attended Bible College. My heart was broken & bitter. Over my 9 years as a Christian I had seen corruption & betrayal in the church that rivaled what I had experienced "in the world". I loved God but hated His church and didn't trust His people. No words of counsel, no scriptures, nothing could break through my hard, angry heart.

One day I was sitting in St. Louis rush hour traffic & popped in Henley's "The End Of The Innocence" cassette I had just purchased. I listened to the familiar voice & thought of the past. The last song on the cassette was "The Heart of The Matter". The song spoke of a man learning that his former love has found someone new. The chorus pierced me to the core of my being:

There are people in your life who’ve come and gone
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby; life goes on
You keep carryin’ that anger; it’ll eat you up inside, baby
I’ve been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it’s about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore.

That song broke me open. I wept so hard that I had to pull off the road & cry until I couldn't shed another tear. I listened to that song every day for a month, over and over again. And God used Don Henley's words to heal my heart.

I have told this story to people many times. Some think it's absolute insanity to think that a secular song would have been used by God. Hey, God used a donkey to communicate to a stubborn man, Balaam, who wouldn't hear Him any other way.

We are to be a people who forgive. Not because it's one in a long list of Christian "To Do's" like going to church or reading our Bible. We are to forgive because we were forgiven. The Lord so wants us to do this that He will nudge & push & prod us in myriad numbers of ways until we realize, like I did that day on the highway listening to Don Henley, that when it comes down to the heart of the matter, it's all about forgiveness.

This is what the sky looked like last Tuesday evening. (Picture taken w. Harold's cell phone)We were half an hour from home, at a pastor & wives dinner meeting. None of us had seen cloud formations like this before. There were tornado warnings out, so we hopped in our cars & headed home to our kids. I wish this picture could really convey the look of the sky. It looked as if someone had arranged cotton balls across it. Each cloud was very distinct. As we headed home, the sky became more ominous, with some clouds showing small hooks dangling down (the possible beginnings of a tornado). We got home & waited but other than some nasty thunder & lightning the evening was blessedly uneventful.

Put Some Shrimp On The Barbie

Ahhh! It's 70 degrees, there's a slight breeze blowing & the sun is shining. After a very busy week, & looking towards a very busy weekend, I thought it'd be nice to have a great dinner for just us three.

I got some KC Strip Steak on sale and splurged on some shrimp. Harold is going to fire up the grill as soon as he & Evan get back from the barber. (Yes, my men go to a barber. At the barber shop. On the town square. No hair stylists for them!) I have the potatoes in baking. I make them the way my mom does: butter the skins, sprinkle a little garlic powder on, wrap in foil & bake. Yummy! The skins are almost better than the insides!) We'll eat on the deck & listen to the breeze blow through the weeping willows that are just sprouting leaves.

I bought our plane tickets for our summer trip to see my folks in California. The ticket price has risen $100 in one week! Yikes. Gas here is $2.72 per gallon, my parents are paying $3 in So Cal. What are you paying in your neck of the woods? Harold & I talked about getting a hybrid car to use in town here. I mean, sheesh, the whole town is only about 5 miles in any direction so a hybrid would be perfect here.

Well, I'm going to go sit on the deck & drink my tea while I wait for the guys to get home. Have a wonderful weekend & get outside if you can!

What's In Your Well?

In the mid 1980's my parents went to Kenya for a short-term missions trip. My dad tells the story of working to clean & repair a water tank in a village they visited. This tank held the only available water for the people who lived there. Everyone, including my parents, used this water to drink & bathe.

With much effort, they drained the water & took the tank down to make repairs. Climbing on a ladder & looking down into the tank, my father saw a dead animal or two! (Not to mention quite a bit of mud.) Now, being in a remote village meant that my parents weren't expecting the water to be perfect (they did boil it before drinking) but they weren't expecting the level of filth that was at the bottom of that tank.

This story makes me think about my spiritual "water tank". While it may look OK from the outside, and I can still give out some comfort & sustenance to those around me, what is really inside of me that no one can see? Too often, I let the muck & dirt of the world get in. Hidden sin can be like a dead, rotting animal, mostly hidden away where the poisoning effects may not be immediately noticeable to those around me. Believe me, if there is muck inside of me, it will get inside of whoever I am pouring my life into!

I realize more & more how important it is to be daily washed with the water of the Word & Spirit of God. Those are the things that can clean out my "water tank" and leave me filled to overflowing with pure love, peace & joy. Only then can I really pour out anything that will truly sustain & help those who are in need.

Hebrews 10:19-22 says "Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."

I am so thankful, this Easter weekend, for the sacrifice of my Lord that has & continues to wash me clean from all the disgusting dirt that enters my soul. At the end of the book of Revelation are these wonderful words:

"I, Jesus, have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star. The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let him who hears say, "Come!" Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life."

Have a blessed Easter.

Interesting Article

Read this for an glimpse of how far things have come. More Colleges Welcoming Learning Disabled.

You Know It's Spring When

Mug Shotz starts offering pita sandwiches instead of soup & iced mocha's instead of hot ones.

The bunnies are being so romantic that your son thinks they are fighting with each other.

You count on it raining even if it's not in the forecast.

Hubby actually wants to go out & mow the lawn.

Looking through seed catalogs is more enticing than clothing catalogs.

Continued Musings on "Why?"

Last week I shared some of my thoughts on "Why me?" . Among the comments was one from Julana who mentioned the lesson of learning unconditional love. As parents (& humans) this is one of the most difficult life lessons of all.

When we have children born who are mentally challenged, every preconceived notion we had of what parenthood was going to be goes right out the window. During my pregnancy I envisioned having a child who would be a voracious reader, maybe a wonderful musician like his father, inquisitive, and, honestly, smart. One day that child would grow to be a teacher, a writer, or maybe a really good accountant. Harold & I would grow old but we would have grandchildren around to spoil and love. We had plans & dreams & hopes for the baby that was coming into our lives.

Let me say that again. We had plans & dreams & hopes. Those things were our wants and even needs for the child. God had different plans & dreams & hopes for this little life that was to be Evan. So after Evan was born and we began to absorb the diagnosis of Down Syndrome, we had to do what I had told God we would do if I had a baby with special needs: we adjusted.

Adjust:

1. To change so as to match or fit; cause to correspond.
2. To bring into proper relationship.
3. To adapt or conform, as to new conditions.

Interesting definitions, aren't they? We had to change our lives, perspectives, etc. to match God's. There was definite pressure to conform our viewpoint to the world's. You know, the one that says a person who can't really contribute "meaningfully" to society doesn't have as much worth in the grand scheme of things. Like the doctor who told us when Evan was 6 that it would be years before we would know if he was going to be a "functioning human being" or the stranger who came up to me in a mall when Evan was a baby & told me it was too bad I didn't get an abortion.

We set our faces toward the Son, the Redeemer of all that seemed lost & without hope: Jesus. Our values shifted. We appreciate seemingly small triumphs: a 2 year old who takes his first steps, an 11 year old who is starting to read. Things that seem odd and even sad to the world are occasions for joyous celebration in our home.

Back to unconditional love. We learn on a continual basis about that type of love which the Father shows us daily. Harold & I watch as our son worships God with an honesty & abandon we long to achieve. While Evan is certainly not without sin, he does have the capacity for showing love without strings attached. He accepts people at face value, and rarely judges someone wrongly. He forgives more readily, even when his feelings have been hurt, than anyone I know.

So yes, Julana, it is probably the most important thing we have learned through the birth of our wonderful children. We see God's face more clearly when looking into theirs. And we see His unconditional love shining back at us when they smile.

Knock, knock. Who's There?

What must our neighbor's be thinking about us? First there were red lions in the front yard, now a police car! Yes, that's how we started this morning off, with a knock on the door from one of the local sheriff's. He was there to serve Evan with papers for the guardianship court hearing. It was early & Evan was still asleep. The nice man told me I didn't have to wake him and handed me the papers.

As I shut the front door, I turned to see Evan standing in the living room with a look of horror on his face. "Mom, the police! I go to jail!" Quickly assuring him that this was not the case, he replied, "But, Mom, he said my name! I go to jail!" Poor guy was really shaken up. After a good hug, I tried to explain what the officer wanted. I showed the papers to Ev & we read them over together. With a relieved, "Whew!" he went off to get ready for school.

I tell ya, this is not a scenario I ever imagined for our lives. Evan has recovered from this morning's drama & is telling his friends that the police came for him this morning (I don't even think I'm going to try to explain it to them!! Who has that much energy?) I am now thinking about how he will react when we go before the judge in May. The courtroom is an intimidating place for the hardiest person. I hatched a plan this afternoon to arrange a time to take Evan down to the courthouse & take him into one of the courtrooms so he will be a little more familiar with the surroundings on the big day.

As we go through these interesting times, it's good to know that God has it all under control. I love Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Hooray for that!

Where Have I Been?

Here's a quick update on what we've been doing. I'll post something a bit deeper later tonight.

Harold & I went to Omaha, NE, Friday - Sunday. Our 4th-6th graders were studying the ocean, so their teacher, Jenny, had a great idea to go to the Omaha Zoo which has an awesome aquarium. So we loaded up 3 vans & made the 5 1/2 hour drive. The kids had a blast. There is a church there that we have been friends with forever, Christ's Family Church. They have a school also, so some of their kids joined up with us. I got to experience my first 3-D IMAX movie, "Sharks 3-D". It was so wild I just kept giggling like a 6 year old!

Saturday we sent the kids back home & Harold & I stayed over to visit with our friends in the church. Harold preached there on Sunday morning. Then it was a long trip through strong winds & rain to make it back home Sunday night.

Evan got to stay with Roger & Debbie, who spoil him completely. Roger even took him out to the country one time & let him try to drive! They have a good time together so Evan loves spending time with them.

On the legal front, the court has appointed the guardian ad-litum for Evan. Harold, Evan & I meet with him this Friday afternoon. I have NO clue what to expect. We know who the judge is who will handle Evan's guardianship hearing. She has a reputation for being kind & fair, so I think everything will go smooth. We go to court May 11th to finalize everything.

In medical matters, I am trying to find out when Evan's hip surgery is scheduled. There has been a few e-mail's back and forth but no one has given us a date yet. I made a call today & am waiting (always waiting it seems) for someone to call back. Sigh.

I'm off to try to do laundry before Life Group tonight. I have some more thoughts on "Why me?" simmering & will try to post them later tonight.