The Road Not Chosen

Permission To Hope

I was thinking about the day we found out that Evan has Down Syndrome. I refused to believe it until the blood test came back, praying desperately that the doctors were wrong. My obstetrician told me she was sending a nurse to talk to us who had a teenager who had Down’s. “Don’t you dare send anyone to me,” I told her, “I’m not talking to anyone. There’s no point until we know for sure.” Of course, we did know for sure. I just didn’t want to face it.

Later that day a short woman in scrubs came into my room. Here was the mom, the mom I didn’t want to talk to. She, of course, knew exactly what I was thinking & feeling. Settling onto the edge of my bed, she told Harold & me about her son, not just medical facts, but about her son. She told us what his favorite activities were, what he thought of school, what his friends were like, and how much he loved to talk on the phone.

By the end of, well, I can’t call it a conversation because I wouldn’t talk to her, but when she was done gently opening a door for us so we could glimpse her son’s life and our son’s future; she gave us a gift that we still use today. It didn’t come in a box, there wasn’t wrapping paper to tear open and no bag to peek inside. What she gave us was permission. Permission to hope.

There have been many times since then that we have had to remind ourselves that indeed there is reason to hope. When people or society has told us Evan wouldn’t do this or that, a glimmer of hope would shine. “That’s right!” we’d say. “We forgot that it is okay to hope! Maybe he really can learn to walk. To talk. To read. To even cook someday.” Things are rarely as dire as I imagine them to be. Hope, as they say, shines eternal.

Because of our faith in Christ and his resurrection, hope is our inheritance. No matter what this life holds, be it good or bad, at the end of our days we get to leave this place and go to be with God, where there are no more tears, pain, or Down Syndrome.

If you feel like all hope is lost, let me officially give you permission to hope. As long as you have breath, you can call out to the One who created hope. He will come and help, if you ask him to, I promise. Ecclesiastes 9:4 (humorously) says: “Anyone who is among the living has hope—even a live dog is better off than a dead lion.” On a more serious note Jeremiah 20:11 promises “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

 

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” (Romans 12:12 NIV)

Two Prayers Plainly Spoken

It's been a crazy week involving a trip with Evan for Dr. visits, lots of work, two migraines and, to wrap up the week, food poisoning for Ev & I. What else can you do in such a week but pray? So in keeping with that thought, I present to you 2 prayers written by Dr. Stanley Hauerwas, a Theological Ethicist at Duke University. I have several of his books including Suffering Presence: Theological Reflections on Medicine, the Mentally Handicapped & the Church which I have read 3 times. The book the following excerpts are from is called Prayers Plainly Spoken which is a collection of prayers he has prayed at various times in his classes and on other occasions.

Save Us From False Ambition

God, I am just too busy. Too many people, too many questions, too much to do. We confess we stay busy because we fear acknowledging our emptiness. How amid this busyness do we rest? How do we worship you? Please create space, which may be other people, to make time, our time, serve you. Force us to rest through the activity of prayer so that all our loves and fears might be made perfect in you. Help us see how such busy service, if it is service, may be just the rest we need-just the worship we need. Finally, and most importantly, save us from false ambition.  Amen.

This next prayer was given during a university luncheon. Hauerwas at first declined the invitation to give this "civil prayer" because he thought it pointless to (in his words) "pray to a vague God who cannot be named as the Father of Jesus Christ". He reconsidered & gave this prayer:

Addressing the God Who Is Not the "Ultimate Vagueness"

God, you alone know how we are to pray to you on occasions like this. We do not fear you, since we prefer to fear one another. Accordingly, our prayers are not to you but to some "ultimate vagueness." You have, of course, tried to scare the hell our of some of us through the creation of your people Israel and through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus. But we are a subtle, crafty and stiff-necked people who prefer to be damned into vagueness. So we thank you for giving us common gifts such as food, friendship and good works that remind us our lives are gifts made possible by sacrifice. . . Through such gifts may our desire for status and the envy status breeds be transformed into service that glorifies you. Amen.

Since giving that prayer, Duke has changed it policies at such functions and they now observe "a moment of silence" instead. 

    

Can You Define The Word "Rock" Please?

Sunday night the 2 main TV events were hilariously at odds with each other.  First was the "Compassion Forum" discussions with Obama & Clinton where they fielded questions about faith, compassion, Darfur, AIDS, etc. and tried to prove that each of them was the only one who was the most...whatever. It was really just a continuation of the previous umpteen debates and forums that have taken place this long, long political season. Snipe, stab, innuendo, veiled accusation. "A vote for me will take you into the promised land."

The other event was the grand finale of Rock of Love 2 where aging rock star Brett Michaels picks the chick who will be his one true "Rock of Love". (This out of a gaggle of 20 women of questionable values who fought for his attention.) Obviously it didn't work out for Brett the first time around on ROL 1! "When at first you don't succeed" I guess.

It was overwhelming in it's ickyness factor. I'm not just saying that because I'm a Christian. I'm very certain the previous me would have felt the same way, and I was an L. A. rocker chick. I did have some sense of values though, however minimal. And trying to out-skank a bunch of other girls for one (old) guy with a hair weave was not what I would have considered cool!

What the heck does all this say about our culture? It is so schizophrenic. We're intellectual. No wait, we're debauched. No,no, intellectual.  Uh, uh, can't we be both? Such is the fruit that the 60s has produced in America. (Well actually the Enlightenment had a lot to do with it also!) It reminds me of something I saw on Discovery Channel a couple of weeks ago. A young man who worked in a business environment and wore a suit to work everyday had a very different "suit" under his clothes. His body was covered with tattoos with the exception of his face, neck, hands & feet. He explained how great it was that he could be one person at work and another "wilder" person away from work. He could live both of the lifestyles he wanted.

King Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 6:7 "All people spend their lives scratching for food, but they never seem to have enough." (NLT) It seems that this is true of the hunger for power or for love or acceptance. No amount can ever satisfy us. Whoever ultimately wins the White House will never be fulfilled unless their life is given to God. Whoever ends up with Brett Michaels, and he himself, will never feel truly loved until they fall in love the only true Rock Of Love, the God who created them. True acceptance ultimately doesn't come from within or from society but from becoming a part of God's family because that is where we all really belong.

This week I think I'll poke around inside my heart to see what areas I'm trying to satisfy with worldly ambitions and desires. I'm sure there's some and if I ask my Rock to show me, I know He will. King Solomon also said "Look straight ahead & fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path & stay safe. Don't get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil ." (Prov. 4:25-27 NLT) And that is what I will endeavor to do.

Sins of the Father

I am a cynical person. I admit it. Too much seen, too much experienced, many things barely survived. It just isn't easy to shock me. Thus it was odd to find that I was shocked that someone had the bad taste a couple of weeks ago to ask Chelsea Clinton a question about her father's affair with Monica Lewinsky. Since then at least two other people have asked similar questions, basically in reference to how this event affected her mother.

As I read these accounts in the news I couldn't help but see in my mind the photo of Chelsea walking towards the Presidential helicopter with a parent on either side of her, as she held each of their hands. It was the day that President Clinton admitted to the affair. His daughter was 18 years old at the time and a Stanford University freshman. Untold thousand upon thousands of kids have had to deal with a parents infidelity, but not as publicly as Chelsea. What a hell that must have been for her!

One thought that occurred to me as I read about all this was how a similar thing seems to happen to Christians often. Has a non-Christian ever said to you, "How can you be a Christian? What about all those people who were killed during the Spanish Inquisition? Or on the Crusades? Or what about (fill in name of famous immoral or greedy Christian here)?"

Each of us is responsible for how we live our own lives. We answer ultimately to God for the days that he gives us on earth. Did we use our time wisely? Were we kind, compassionate, generous? Did we follow the example of Christ as best we could? We can't answer for what other people have done just like Chelsea can't, and shouldn't, have to answer for her father's or her mother's actions.

Happy 80th Birthday to

writer Maya Angelou, who wrote:

All great achievements require time.

and

I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did,

but people will never forget how you made them feel.

and

If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love.

Don't be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning 'Good morning' at total strangers.

and

Nothing will work unless you do.